2016 was a weird ass year for me. I would not call it a success by any means, but I have a roof over my head and my bills are paid on time.
I planned on bigger achievements this year – emotionally, mentally and financially – but I really can only blame myself for not doing all I could do in those areas. I try to reflect most blame inwards. Most of my roadblocks are created by me.
However, even typing that out, i realize that I’m playing the blame game with myself. That’s probably just another symptom of my codependency.
There are definitely moments where I feel like I’m thriving and they happen more often than ever, so I’m just going to keep working.
Here is a list of random stuff I’m going to do in 2017 or that I just want to remind myself to live a better life:
- NEVER PUNCH DOWN. I don’t think i have been lately, but I want this to be a core value that I live by, always. Anytime I feel myself wanting to take anything out on anyone, that’s my own weakness showing. I have the tools to empathize. Also, look at how stupid Funk Flex looks bashing Lil Yachty.
- Go to al-anon meetings. If codependency is rooted in having an alcoholic parent, this is something I should at least give a shot. I’ve read as many books as I can about this, and while they help me identify the problem, I need help moving forward. Ideally, I will find a one-on-one professional for this someday, but I see the value of group meetings. Feeling “not alone” is very powerful and I just want to feel that right now.
- I want to finish 3 books a week, at least. I’ve only read about 40 books this year (over 100 in 2015). That’s not enough. I have years of NOT reading to make up for. Especially know that I see all of my blind spots (a lot of them).
- I want to learn self defense. My friend Paulina suggests Krav Maga. Let’s just say I participated in a giant troll war at some point in my life and it crossed over into real life. I know that i hesitate to be outspoken about certain…umm…cultural issues of the day, because I’m still a little traumatized about things that happened. Actually, this is another argument for me seeing a 1 on 1 counselor. Earlier this year, I was really tired and dehydrated hanging out with this girl I liked, and for some reason I actually said some of these things that I went through out loud FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. Even just typing this super vague blog post, I’m nervous the wrong person might read it. Violence, unfortunately, isn’t going away and i need to know i can handle my shit.
That’s it. If I can just stick to those 4 things I know 2017 will be fire emoji.