This Week Has Been Fucking Amazing So Far

So I did join a gym, and I did go to Al-Anon, and both have been transformative experiences that I want to continue pursuing.

Today was my first “ground” training, and at the end of the class I was put in a guard position and told to keep 3 points of contact on my opponent. Basic stuff. I’m doing a “fundamentals of ground” training thing for a while. The guy was a little off balance and I had a foot on his hip, a toe hook on the back of his leg, and my hand on the bottom of his ankle, and I went for my first sweep.

I am so hungry to continue learning. Everything I was taught required a lot of thought, and my body could never do the 10 things at once that I felt I needed to do to correctly execute the moves I was learning, but my brain is still crunching all of the info and I know I will show up ready to the next class.

Sometimes I don’t get things *in the moment*. Even during conversations with people, things will just linger in my head and then I will want to revisit the topic later. That’s just the way things work for me. I can only handle so much at once, but I can tuck away the other things for later and analyze and digest them. Absorbing is easy for me, and the processing I need to do on my own time.

The same goes for Al-Anon. That was heavy. I was shaking the entire time, but I feel…hopeful. I learned so much and all we did was talk about one of the “traditions”.

There’s this woman on my floor that I ran into the elevator twice when I first moved in. Both times she told me what room she’s in, which I guess I should take as a sign to go over there and socialize, but I haven’t. I can’t. I just don’t have the tools to feel normal around new people and make connections (which is an issue when you move to a city where you don’t know anybody).

When my old friends call me or chat with me, I feel COMPLETELY NORMAL. But when it comes to new people, I feel like I’m crazy. That’s why I’m going to Al-Anon. I’m just seeking answers.

So, on my way to the meeting, I ran into that woman for the 3rd time. It was awkward af, as usual, but I think we can both just feel us wanting to get to know each other. I’m working on finding the tools to just be her friend somehow. I’ll keep you posted, blog.

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